


scared of change (shatter me)

by Unleash_the_Doves



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 20:27:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3222359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unleash_the_Doves/pseuds/Unleash_the_Doves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny wakes up in the middle of the night to find someone skulking about her room...</p>
            </blockquote>





	scared of change (shatter me)

“Who’s there?”

Danny woke abruptly, hand groping under the bed for the short-sword she always kept within reach.  She didn’t know what had roused her, but she knew that there was something off.  It was too dark in her room.  The hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end.

“Well, well, well.  Danny Lawrence, I never would have guessed you sleep in the nude,” a velvety voice poured out of the shadows, sending shivers tingling down Danny’s spine as she moved to cover herself with her sheets.  Shivers that were obviously due to her being completely naked and bared to the cold and had absolutely nothing to do with Carmilla’s whiskey-soaked words brushing over her skin in ways that were almost obscene.

“Scandalous, Gingersnap.”  Despite not being able to see her (cloaked in shadow as she was, even Danny’s acute night vision couldn’t pick her out) Danny could imagine the smirk on Carmilla’s face.  The last thing she needed after a long week of balancing her TA duties and her Summer Society duties and her schoolwork with all of her other obligations was Carmilla sneaking around her room.  She glared in Carmilla's direction, though the effect was probably ruined by her lack of clothing.  It was very hard to be intimidating while naked.

“Well, if I'd known you were going go all Elvira, Queen of the Night on me and pop in unannounced I would have at least put a shirt on,” she said with a huff, watching warily as Carmilla stepped out of the shadows, looking every bit the vampire she was.  Hadn't she been a Viennese countess or something like that?  Maybe being turned into a vampire made you lose all sense of etiquette or common decency.  Turning on her bedside lamp (though neither of them really needed the additional light), she indicated the dresser in the corner with her hand. “Throw me something to wear.  How long have you been lurking there, anyways? ”

It felt a little too intimate having Carmilla pawing through her underwear drawer (she hoped to god that she wasn’t blushing at the moment), but it felt way more intimate to deal with whatever Countess Creeper wanted in nothing but a sheet.  Another shiver ran through her at the thought.

“Not long,” Carmilla threw over her shoulder, searching through her drawers for a shirt now.  “I needed to talk to you about something.”  She tossed an oversized flannel and some panties at Danny, turning her back in a surprising show of chivalry as Danny went to put them on.

“It couldn’t have waited until a decent hour?” Danny asked with exasperation, the digital clock on the bookshelf telling her that it was a little past 2:00 am.  Hopefully this wouldn’t take long and she would be able to get back to her much needed sleep.  “You can turn around now.”

“It’s about Laura,” Carmilla started hesitantly.  Her hands were fidgeting in front of her abdomen, but Danny’s immediate concern wasn’t for Carmilla’s discomfort.

“She’s fine,” Carmilla rushed to qualify, seeing the panicked look cross Danny’s features.  “I know it’s not really fair of me to ask,” she said, her voice almost a murmur.  There was a mix of frustration and vulnerability on Carmilla’s features that Danny found strangely fascinating. “Look, I need to talk and normally I wouldn’t but it’s important and it’s not like I can really go to the Ginger Twins,” she said in a rush, her stance defensive and slightly angry that she was being put in this position in the first place.  

Danny’s expression softened a little.  She might not have been Carmilla’s biggest fan before the fiasco with the Dean, but they’d been finding more and more common ground lately and maybe she didn’t hate Carmilla as much as she wanted to anymore.  Not that she’d ever admit that to anyone.  Ever.

Carmilla stood in the middle of the room, looking less and less like a predatory creature of the night and more and more like a lost kitten, despite her annoyed posturing.  Frankly, it was kind of adorable and while Danny didn’t really feel like discussing Laura with the person that Laura had chosen over her, she couldn’t just leave Carmilla there looking so sad.  She wouldn’t have come to Danny if she had any other options.

“Come here,” she said with a sigh, caving as she patted the bed next to her.  If someone had told Danny two months ago that she would be sitting here in the middle of the night having girl talk with Carmilla, she probably would have laughed in their face.  She kind of still didn’t believe that it was happening.  “What’s up?”

“Laura’s – she’s not happy,” Carmilla murmured, hands fidgeting in her lap as she sat on the very edge of the bed.  She looked like she was going to bolt at any minute.

“She looks pretty happy from where I’m standing,” Danny said, a little more bitterness than she’d intended seeping into her words.  It still stung, knowing that Laura didn’t think she was good enough, that she’d chosen Carmilla over Danny.  Danny wasn’t anywhere near as over it as she liked to pretend.

“That’s because you’re never around anymore, Xena” Carmilla said, ignoring the sourness of Danny’s words.  It was true.  In some kind of sad attempt to get over Laura, she’d stopped coming around as much, stopped responding to Laura’s texts as often.  They saw each other around campus occasionally and in class, but that had been the extent of her interaction with Laura for the past couple of weeks.  It hurt too much.

“She misses you.”  Danny scoffed at that, the sound derisive.

“She has you now.  She doesn’t need me.”  More bitterness.  Danny couldn’t help it spilling out of her, couldn’t shore up the cracks quickly enough to keep the hurt from escaping.  Carmilla turned to her, her dark, intense gaze holding Danny captive.  For a moment, it felt as if the vampire was reaching into the darkest parts of her, fingers brushing gently over open wounds.  It was vaguely unsettling.

“You should see her face whenever you don’t text her back, or whenever you back out of making plans with her.”  Danny couldn’t look at her anymore.  She didn’t want to hear about how Laura was hurting.  Laura had chosen this.  She’d chosen Carmilla.

“She still loves you.”   Danny almost scoffed again, exerting no small amount of willpower in order to restrain the sound.   _Still_.  They hadn’t been anything to begin with.  They’d been a maybe…an almost.  Nothing more.

  

* * *

 

Carmilla watched as Danny ran her fingers through her hair, standing abruptly.  She paced over to the window; Carmilla’s eyes followed her every movement, seeing the pain that she was trying to hide so desperately written in the lines of her body.  Didn’t she know that this hurt her too, knowing that she wasn’t enough to keep the girl she loved happy?  That her chest ached every time she saw Laura check her phone, hoping that Danny had texted back?  That her heart plummeted every time Laura’s face fell at seeing there was no response?

“She made her choice.”  Danny’s voice was sharp, her shoulders tense as she hugged herself.  “I can’t just hang around like some stray hoping for table scraps.  I deserve better than that.  I – I need to move on.”  Her head rested against the glass, moonlight catching bits of flame in her hair and turning them silver.  Carmilla’s heart went out to her; she could sympathize with that feeling, even if she didn't really want to assign that sympathy to the girl standing in front of her.  This was probably the last thing either of them would want, but for Laura – well, she would give her life if it made Laura a happier person.

“Maybe she doesn’t have to choose.”  It was said laboriously, the heaviness in her heart making the words drop like stones.  Danny turned her hard gaze on her, eyes flashing dangerously.

“What the hell are you talking about?”  Carmilla sighed in frustration.

“I’m saying, oh dense one, that she’s happiest with us both, so we shouldn’t make her choose,” she said, falling back into their old pattern of insults and name-calling.  It felt more comfortable than this sappy crap that had been happening for the last however long.

“So, you’re saying we should, what – we should both date her?”

“Light dawns,” Carmilla said, eyes rolling.  “Maybe you should wear a helmet when you’re sparring, Xena.  Sounds like you’ve taken too many blows to the head.”

“Shut up, liquid diet.”  Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea.  They didn’t fight like this as much anymore, but the two were still at each other’s throats more often than not.  It was how they functioned.

“Hey, I was just trying to keep everyone happy, but if you insist on being bull-headed about everything, I can just go back to hating you and we can forget this whole conversation ever happened!”  She watched Danny deflate, righteous anger leeching from her body.  Carmilla had never seen her give up so easily.  How someone who seemed larger than life could go from that to looking so small was beyond her, but Danny had managed it.

“You’re right.  I’m – I’m sorry.”  She sighed and Carmilla watched as she came back into the light and plopped down on the bed, burying her face in her hands.  “I don’t know, Carmilla.  Could we really make that work?  We can’t even talk about it without arguing.”  She still had her head in her hands, her voice muffled from between her fingers.  Carmilla took a moment to respond, thrown off by Danny’s use of her name.

“All I know is that it kills me seeing Laura unhappy,” she said with a little exasperation.  Why couldn’t the Ginger Giant see that this could be a good thing?   “And it’s not like I really enjoy your moping about like a kicked puppy either.  I think we owe it to ourselves to at least try.”  She watched Danny consider; Carmilla could tell the idea appealed to her in that she would be able to be with Laura, but her pride was holding her back from agreeing.

“Come on, Gingersnap.  Why deny yourself something we both know you want?  Just to spite me?  I’m not jumping for joy either, but this way everyone’s happy, or satisfied at least.”   Danny still didn’t respond, instead chewing her lip in thought.

“How much longer are we going to pretend that you haven’t already agreed?” Carmilla asked with a huff.  Honestly, it had been hard enough coming to Danny with this in the first place; she didn’t need Tall, Gay, and Stubborn  making things more difficult.  She’d had just about enough of feelings talk and her patience was running dangerously thin.

“I’m definitely going to regret this,” Danny said finally, which Carmilla took as a yes.  She shot the amazon a smile that was all relief that they didn’t have to wade through the murky swamp of emotions that had become their conversation over the last several minutes anymore.  Danny gave her an odd look, one that she’d never seen leveled at her before, but she was too glad that Laura would be able to stop pining after the Wonder Mutt to really care.

“Great!  How are we going to break the news to Laura?”

“Gods, Carmilla!  It’s like 2:30.  Can’t we reconvene tomorrow, I have an early class,” Danny said with exasperation.  She looked like she’d been pushed to her limits as well, and she really did look exhausted now that Carmilla thought about it.  Like maybe she wasn’t sleeping well.  Carmilla felt a twinge of guilt, though that was immediately tamped down by the confusion she experienced at feeling guilty about keeping Danny up.  She’d examine that later.

“Fine.  Text me tomorrow and we can figure this shit out.”  She stood, making to exit through the door instead of poofing out (the thought of the other Psycho Society sisters asking Danny why Carmilla had practically done the walk of shame out of her room in the wee hours of the morning was strangely appealing) when Danny’s voice stopped her.

“Hey, Type O.”

“What?”  Danny was holding out her hand, an amused and slightly exasperated expression on her face.

“Kind of hard to text you without your digits.  Give me your phone, I’ll put my number in it.”

“Oh.”  She walked heavily back, pouting a bit at not being able to make her quick escape, and slapped her phone down into Danny’s palm.  It was returned to her in a moment, despite her impatient fidgeting.

“Alright.  Talk to you tomorrow,” she threw over her shoulder, already on her way out the door.  There was no response from the amazon and Carmilla stopped, looking back to see why.  Danny was already curled up under her covers, her breathing deep and even, hand curled around her own phone which was resting next to her splayed hair on her pillow.  Carmilla gave a small smile; Danny was kind of -

She really didn’t want to use the word cute in reference to the amazon, but it was the only word that came to mind when she saw Danny was sleeping…and quiet.  Mostly quiet.  That’s what it was.  It was nice to see her not throwing snark in Carmilla’s direction for a change.

“Goodnight, Danny.”  Carmilla made sure to close the door quietly as she slipped out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'm going to continue this or not. I wrote it as a part of a longer piece and then decided it didn't fit, so I decided to post it stand-alone, but maybe I'll add onto it if it seems like people want to see more. Hope you enjoy :)


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